Happy Friday, Phoebe.
I know yesterday was really hard, and I’m so sorry that it turned out that way, and that you had such a difficult, and rotten night. You’re in the middle of a lot of things that don’t feel like they’re ever going to get any better, right now. I know that you think I’m full of it when I keep telling you that things will get better, but, I also want you to think about how many times I’ve told you something you haven’t believed, only to have to come back and tell me for the hundredth time, that I’m always right. I may not be good at everything, but, I’m good at this, I’m good at understanding people, and I know what I’m talking about. This is going to be a long process. It’s going to be a hard process, but, it will get better. Every time that you stand up, and speak your truth, every time that you’re honest about what’s going on, and how you feel, you gain a little bit of strength. You gain a little momentum. After time, the truth about what things really are won’t be able to be denied, skirted, or gaslighted into you. You’ll have ground, and the fear will wane.
Once you start opening up, therapy will help, you just have to try looking at as a tool, to help you wade through the chaos and mess. An outlet for you to vent everything, and not worry about how it sounds, at all. At age 15, I’ve put you in charge of your therapy, it’s protected by confidentiality, and what takes place there can’t be accessed by anyone without your express permission. She won’t divulge anything to me, mom, or anyone else, unless something you say presents an actual danger, or shows you to be IN danger. Physical abuse from a parent, or you threatening to harm yourself, for example. That space, and those meetings are yours, to discuss anything and everything. Try to learn to use them to heal, and get stronger. <3
While I do what I can in court, you continuing to speak up, and tearing down the false wall of “this is all okay” is the right path through this. You had a really bad night last night, and, parents are supposed to be there for you to vent to, listen, and try to help in whatever ways they can. We know that mom isn’t capable of those things, and that she isn’t able to put anyone’s needs above her own… so, we need to stop pretending that’s okay, and that everyone feels okay about it. It will take time, but, it will get better.
I will always be here for you, and I will always put you and your sisters first. We will always be a family, no matter who comes and goes. You have that in your life, a constant. You can always count on the fact that Charlie, Thea, and I will always be here when things get hard, and if we’re being honest, there are a lot of people that don’t have that kind of support. It’s going to be okay, I promise.
It’s looking like you’re going to skip school today, but, I have everything back from squarespace, so, it looks like funding and the phones coming back on will happen before the end of the day. See? I told you things will get better. ;)
I love you an awful, awful lot,
-Dad
Chomp